France has almost won the world cup. And it's gonna be a long night for me. I don't know how i'm supposed to fall asleep. Too much noise. Too much stress. I have a knot in my stomach. I don't even know why. I just received a message from a girl i used to be friend with. She's always been too needy. It was a huge responsibility to be her friend, i always had to take care of her. It was way too heavy on my shoulders. At one point she started hanging out with trendy people, she was so happy of her new friends. She flirted with everyone every time we went out. She was slutty and miserable. And i couldn't help her. So there was a fight with another girl coming in the picture and i never knew why. But looking back on last summer, it felt like it was the best of my life. Always out, doing stuffs, partying, in Versailles or in Paris.
I hate this summer.
I really don't feel it. Everything's going wrong. I don't know why i'm always ruining things. I don't know why i'm such a mess with boys. I'm starting to understand why i can't keep a boyfriend for more than 2 months. I'm a terrible person.

Et ça me casse les burnes d'écrire en anglais.

Time to stop being blue. Yes i don't have any money left. Yes i haven't found a job yet. Yes i'm no good with guys. Yes i'm not gonna see the sea this summer.

But i have me. And it's huge. I'm huge.
I don't need money, i don't need more clothes. I don't need people. I have a few true friends and a cat. And i do have a right hand. So there's no point complaining.
Tomorrow i'm gonna go see Over the hedge with a bunch of kids. I hope they're not gonna piss me off. They seem to be afraid of me. I don't know why. Usually kids like me, i let them do everything they want.

People are going berserk in the streets. Come on guys, it's just soccer !
I need to see Bend it like Beckham again. And i need to play soccer but i'm afraid i'll suck because it's been like 3 years since i haven't played. But i don't wanna buy special shoes and stuffs, i don't have money for that. I want to get the motto of Hernani tatooed on my back. One of my friends has a horse tatooed on her back. It's hilarious. I really like her but she's gonna end up like an old maid or a dyke. Even though she's a huge fan of Christian Bale. I'm gonna try her on Angelina Jolie. Angelina is the godess of lesbians. Maybe she has a hidden shrine with her picture and little skulls of kids and animals around.

I feel the need of some magic in my life. I should do yoga, go vegan and join the Kabbala. Our era's magic really suck. Just take a look at Tom Cruise, his girl Katie Holmes with her fake belly. I really need to watch again Tom Cruise's appearance on Oprah's show. He truly fascinates me. I don't know what kind of drug he takes. But i would totally use some. My mother bought me Shopaholic abroad. These people scare me. Like one of my friends who spends her whole pay on shopping. Clothes, shoes, make-up, beds, kitchen tools, etc. I'm really impressed at the amount of things she buys on regular basis, like weekly or even daily. I only spend money on alcohol, cigarettes and food. Some books once in a while, and gifts. I haven't bought a cd for such a long time. Thank god for limewire and soulseek. And thank god for Azureus.
I really need a real job. I'm tired of babysitting and people don't even call me anymore to look after their kids. Maybe they realized i'm the worst babysitter ever. Yes i let them play for as long as they want and i do everything they ask me to, like reading a gigantic book on dinosaurus. I've always liked this world, dinosaurus. The terrible lizard.

I can't go to bed with all this noise. But i wrote enough for today. So farewell my friends.

By the way, Slimane's last collection looks like woman wear. But i - a woman indeed - wouldn't wear it.